The remote job, was not as remote as I needed to be. I could do that if I had a car. I wouldn't be confident in walking into peoples houses. With my allergies, I could almost die in some house holds The only I'd be able to cut up is meat, meat... oh yeah and meat. I getting really tired, and I'm disappointed in myself, Now, guys you don't need to be alarmed every single time someone says that. It'll make me feel like even more of a disappointment if I let you think what i just said. It'll do you no good, to say anything. That is how that logic goes for those statements. It is hard to hear, let alone think that to yourself and write in a blog post for every to see. It is the truth. The things some people will want you to think about yourself after you say something like is only in good spirits from them. I do get that part, yes, that part has made me feel good once and a while. That feel feeling, is only once and a while. Sometimes these days it'd be needed for someone to sit in that self disappointment. Dwelling is a negative term, no dwelling here. Just application after application. Pinned location after pinned location.
I'll be doing applications amongst doing current applications for hopefully one day a career. A career where I don't have to touch any food packaged or unpackaged, plus low usage of chemicals. I'll amp my whole excitement up through out my entire week or till I get the interview... then I still do applications while waiting for the interview I have coming up. Next I'll get the interview, in my head it went well. I don't think about what they thought, I just wait. While being excited for everything because I'm trying to feel what that feels like again, I don't want to give that feeling a numbing solution. Like I have given some of my emotions solution numbing injections (I don't mean literally, guys. Although, your mind knows no different).
Dwelling on the outside and being positive on the inside it's what I do best for myself. I feel as if I can't show my positive self 24/7 (it doesn't feel allowed) in my mothers house hold. ... I thought I would have more things to say about this day, but that day is done and over with. Moving on!
I have found the next topic. It's time that I don't worry so much on what anyone thinks. It's time to let people read what is raw. What is raw from me not every one will like, especially the next character / person. I don't have a clue if my family reads this as they would call it... shit. Nor do I care. *Still going to write any names down or be to detailed with their descriptions.*