Alright

Yes, I wanted to be down to weight this year. I usually get what I want. I'll tell myself this, I'll be very close to my goal weight because I want that. I want that because I need to treat myself with more respect. If I have more respect for myself: something that I have been reaching for might come to light. God knows what that is. I'll know what that certain thing is when it's here. Back story, I didn't think  having any respect for my body was important. I wanted to die 24/7 so didn't I care about giving my body the care that I needed. Matter of fact, I haven't been loyal to my thyroid medication for lets face it... for fucking years. I thought not taking my thyroid medication would make my death quicker. That lasted for over 6 1/2 years, I think maybe I even did that to myself before Wesley, on purpose. My memories are shot, so I am not confident when it comes to telling my timeline. I'm almost nervous to even talk about my own history my brain has given it's self a "coping"/distraction strategy to almost forgetting the question that was just asked. Every time, specially if the question was about something like the was the worst... It was like I would get so scared then I shut down. There's less of that now thanks to carnivore. To dive into some things you ought to know about me here's the interview that I had done with one of my very favorite carnivores. A lot of this post will be somewhat in the interview.