Lesson 1: Stepping out of the Fog 

(Short Trail) 

Let's get this out of the way: I had a good friend for a hot minute (2 years-ish). My mother didn't like her one bit. Which at the end my mother not liking her, was fine. I agreed finally. My mother and I love to disagree on almost everything unless it is rearranging things in the living room. Although I kind of just say yes, I no longer care to have an opinion, unless it is about my son. Then if I don't have an opinion it is a shorter conversation that I didn't care for in the first place. That is how my mother and I work. You need that back story on how we work together trust me. Long story short we both didn't like her, it was the thought of having a friend that would hang out constantly and even in my room. I don't let hardly anyone in my room, it is my space. My space will not be tainted. 

Welcome even shorter story: I had met this ex bestie in 2022 (vague dates). I broke up with her I think 6 times or several times. That's when I knew I had no confidence or my own discipline. She was not like minded, was overly inappropriate. Sometimes being inappropriate is fun, but she would find little very simple things. That stuff wouldn't even make since as to why she had to make those nonchalant subjects inappropriate. She cussed a ton, some times even around my child. She liked to socially drink, back then so did I but I was trying in get on the healthy bandwagon. (Alcohol was a weakness for me.) The worst thing she did to our friendship was be with a married man. This married man had a few children her age and younger then older. Yes, this married man was no better than she was. I will not name them or give out any ages. The age range between those two was atrocious. The things they did together made me loose all respect for ex bestie quicker than light. My ex bestie is a very hard worker, I thought she was good and had goals in her life. I thought she had been doing very well for herself. I also knew she she deserved better because she was settling. Hoping she is still doing well for herself.

The day that we went to the park with her man: I tried to like this moment for them that I was apart of, I want to put that there. It was the most ghastly sight to see them holding hands at the park and slapping each others butts constantly, and laughing about it. Yes, I tired to like her man thing for that ex bestie. Wasn't easy. Next ya know it, I knew right there the friendship we had wasn't important anymore. I insisted to myself that I needed to grow a back bone, some balls or put my foot down_ something.... and get ride of that b*tch. That thought stung me for a long time. It was with me through out all of the events that were starting to become like an bitter avalanche. This is also when I knew I needed to establish a chapter of my new mindset to gain some sort of light to get out of this depression. This was when my hunt for meaning began—my pursuit of the very definition of self-discipline as I stepped onto the trail of my new journey.  

So... that in a very short story, is what happen with that ex best friend. That person I would have taken with me if she would've just tried to love herself. I know she is capable of showing herself compassion, she'll have to figure that on her own now. Even though I did say I agreed with my mother not liking her. Which to make this very clear, I did care about her one and we had wonderful laughs together. 

With all of that behind me, I needed those few pages in my old chapters to make me come to the conclusion: that I deserve more than the hurt she brought.  Plus, like minded people are very important to have. 

^These people in my blog will not be in any other parts. This was simply a back story on what got somethings rolling for me in order to gain a better understanding that I needed to get out of the depression I was in. There is a golden balance that came in my life. That chapter with my ex best friend is neither bad or good, that was just a step forward. In a slight unsaid caption about that whole with the ex best friend, I'm grateful that I was able to self-teach the next chapters of my life.